Zoey 101 got knocked up

So, the big news around the Internet this afternoon (when I awoke from my finals-induced coma) was that Britney Spears' 16 year-old sister and star of the hit Nickelodeon show "Zoey 101," Jamie Lynn Spears, is three months pregnant. Normally, I wouldn't blog about such a wildly unsurprising story but 1) I need to get back into my groove and 2) I promised my sister (consider this a thank you for being 18 and baby-less).

Look, I know that there are probably a lot of good jokes to be made here but I don't really have much to say about all this. The Spears family is super-fertile and kind of trashy, so saying that one of them is pregnant is kind of like saying that Lindsay Lohan fell off the wagon -- we all knew it was coming, it was only a matter of when. I know that Jamie Lynn is cute and seems nice enough and everyone was hoping that she would break the chain here and avoid becoming a train wreck but, let's be honest, you can't fight science. Ultimately, I guess it's sort of admirable that she's trying to do the right thing by keeping the baby, if you're into that sort of thing -- after all, she did meet her boyfriend at church (Jesus must be thrilled...) -- although, if it were my kid, the whole situation would have been taken care of faster than you can say "life begins at conception" (sorry, J-man).

In fact, it's pretty hard to feel bad for the Spears family when Jamie Lynn's mother, Lynne (incidentally, her father is named Jamie -- get it???) apparently brokered a $1 million deal with OK! Magazine, giving them exclusive rights to the story. I know that Jamie Lynn's career as the next Disney Channel star to make the foray into Hollywood super-stardom is probably over but, somehow, I think she's going to be okay. After all, if you're going to be 16 and pregnant, it helps to have $1 million in your pocket.

All in all, the story is kind of sad but, hey, that's what happens when you refuse to teach teenagers about the birds and the bees. I know that there are a lot of people in this country dead-set on occupying some moral high-ground, but the fact is that hormones are powerful and kids are stupid, and there's not much you can do about it. So, for all of the parents out there worried about the message this is sending to your children, by all means tell them that this girl made a mistake but don't neglect to tell them how not to make it. When the time comes (and it's coming sooner than you think), talk to your kids about sex, and then go vote Democrat so we can teach sexual education in the schools. Or, just lock them up until college. Either way.

And let's all keep our fingers crossed for Hannah Montana (at least until she turns 18 -- then she's fair game...)

Sources:
How do you talk to kids about Britney's sister? (CNN)
Jamie Lynn's $1 Million Paycheck and Dad's Pissed (Popsugar)
Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant (IDLYITW)