Terror Level: Gouda

The world is a scary place when cheese attacks.

This is something I discovered while skimming through the Fox News blog today (I also discovered that they've abandoned the "Fair and Balanced" slogan in favor of "We Report. You Decide.", which basically has the same message but appropriately eschews "fair" and "balanced"). It would seem that a company in Tennessee is "recalling cheese sold in seven states and distributed nationwide in gift baskets that could be contaminated with dangerous bacteria." While there have been no reported illnesses, the threat is very real.

On some level, I know that this qualifies as news and deserves to be reported. I'm sure that all the people who discard their Sweetwater Valley Farms gift baskets will be grateful to the AP and Fox News, especially those with small children and elderly relatives, who are the most susceptible to the bacteria (although I feel like the people who bought the cheese in 5 and 10 pound blocks deserve what they get. Not death, of course, but certainly diarrhea...)

On another level, though, there is something patently ridiculous about killer cheese. Honestly, between this, E. Coli-laced spinach and Aqua Dots, is there anything that won't kill us? Next they're going to tell us that drinking water gives you AIDS and breathing oxygen may put you at risk for scurvy.

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter because we're all going to die from cell phone radiation, anyway. That's why I keep mine in my back pocket -- better cancer in my butt than someplace more sensitive. But, in the mean time, with the threats of terrorism, gun violence, and Martin Lawrence movies constantly hanging over our heads, the world might be a much better place if we could at least get our cheese under control.

Source: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,312729,00.html