Despite the fact that it is a Thursday night and I should probably be passed out drunk right now (I have to get my binge drinking in before I graduate and it becomes "alcoholism"), I just couldn't resist posting this video as soon as humanly possible because, frankly, its existence is probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, or to American politics. No joke.
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at the staggering level of awesomeness here, given former Alaska senator and current presidential uber-longshot Mike Gravel's wonderful tendency to make completely whacked out declarations about how we should encourage homosexuality in the military (because soldiers will naturally fight harder for someone that they love in the Biblical sense) and legalize heroin (because it would effectively end the war on drugs. And, you know, get everyone high...), but I have to admit that I was not really prepared for how sublimely fucking crazy this video is. It's like "Schoolhouse Rock" on acid, only better, because it stars a man who, because he was low on campaign funds, apparently took public transportation to the announcement of his own candidacy last April (Wikipedia, bitches!). Do I even need to mention that this guy is my hero?
The video, which can also be found on the Gravel campaign's YouTube profile space, is literally titled "power to the people vs give peace a chance," written exactly like that, with no capital letters or punctuation. It would seem to be Gravel's response to being excluded from the Democratic Presidential debates, which is either a product of some sordid conspiracy on the part of the political establishment, or the fact that he is currently receiving like .5% of the vote (or both). There is nothing that I could possibly say to make watching it a funnier or more enjoyable experience but, in the interest of being an active blogger, here is a shot-by-shot breakdown of this psychedelic masterpiece. Feel free to follow along:
-Right off the bat, Gravel is wearing an old-man shirt and seems to be talking to no one in particular, which makes him my grandfather. I'm really curious as to what he's saying -- probably something crazy.
-I think this video just gave me epilepsy.
-I get why Gravel's mouth is taped shut (because the man is trying to keep him quiet and such) but why is he holding a 230 year old flag? Could they not find him a new one? Go with what you've got, I guess.
-I love that when Mike Gravel talks about "politicians" like Hillary, Obama, and Edwards, he does so with a sarcastic tone of voice, as if he's making perfect sense and it's everybody else who are out of their damn minds. There's something to think about next time you're high...it's like "The Matrix"!
-Nepotism: favoritism (as in appointment to a job) based on kinship. (From http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/nepotism)
-Mike Gravel is really pissed off about jingoism. Me too.
-The Gravel campaign really went all out for this video, technology-wise. I think they may have shot it in an Apple store.
-I love how he says "Power to the peeeeeople." P.S. This song is mad catchy.
-Mike Gravel clearly did a lot of drugs in the 60's. Just saying.
-Could someone please explain to me what's up with the turtle and the monkey? I feel like it has something to do with war, but I was not under the impression that they were enemies...
-Am I high right now?
-"Why won't you let me say what I want to say?" Probably because you're a raging looney! Case in point, this video.
-Did he just say something about cheese?
-I'm going to have nightmares about that electric buffalo in the background for sure.
-Okay, America just turned into a sombrero and then fish started flying out of it. Just putting that out there.
-"Are they afraid of the truth?" Well...yeah. But who isn't? Put that in your pipe and smoke it (not literally...)
-For some reason, YouTube is not working properly and the video just cut off like 15 seconds early. Somehow, I'm okay with it.
Look, I know that Mike Gravel has no shot in hell of ever being president -- and, thank god, because he's a raving nutbag. But, still, isn't it kind of comforting to know that someone like this is out there, spreading his crazy brand of patriotism across the land like some loopy Johnny Appleseed? I say, let the man into the debates -- even if he doesn't get a single vote come primary-season, the American people deserve to have someone pushing the discourse, especially in an ever-blander, soundbyte-based political landscape.
God bless you, Mike Gravel. You are truly an American original. Now go seek help.
Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Gravel
Also, big props to Ryan, who found this video.
