Mike Huckabee is an ass

"Some of us fail to understand that our First Amendment right to speak and assemble is meaningless without our Second Amendment right to bear arms, we don't make the connection."

This is a shockingly idiotic statement. Does Mike Huckabee really want to give every dissident group free access to weapons? Or just the ones that he likes? And can we stop for a moment and imagine how many more innocent people would have been killed in Iran if thousands of scared protesters had been firing guns indiscriminately in the streets? Talk about a massacre. How about at Kent State in 1970? Or in Birmingham in 1963? Is he really suggesting that Gandhi would have benefited from an assault rifle?

While civil war (and, indeed, violence) may become necessary in the course of human events, it should be a last resort, not a first. Regardless of how you interpret the second amendment, what Mike Huckabee is advocating for isn't democracy, it's anarchy, and it's an irresponsible position for a former United States governor to take. Maybe he's just ratcheting up the crazy for the Fox News crowd, or competing with Sarah Palin for wingnut of the week, but for some reason, I expected more of the Huckster (must have been those sweet Chuck Norris ads...)



Source: [Wonkette]

President Rudy? Fuhgedaboutit.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but I'm not sure I understand how Rudy Giuliani isn't sinking in the polls like the freaking Titanic right now. What's that? He is sinking like the Titanic? Oh. That makes more sense.

See, while Republican rival Mike Huckabee is subliminally reminding you that he and the baby J are best friends in his holiday ads, Giuliani is using the Christmas season as an opportunity to let you know that a) he is a loudmouth from Brooklyn and b) he's that asshole who gives everyone a fruitcake because he's too wrapped up in his own shit to get real presents. Good strategy.

Look, I know that he's just trying to be cute in these ads (and God bless him for it) but, the thing is, Rudy Giuliani isn't cute -- he's a nasty, negative little man. And I think I've made my policy on conservatives trying to be funny abundantly clear: They shouldn't. Because they aren't.

I know these are the new wild and crazy Republicans who have YouTube debates and make ads with Chuck Norris but, somehow, I just don't see the Grand Old Party nominating one of the Jerky Boys for president anytime soon.

P.S. When did Santa become such a douche? Guess he's been spending too much time around the Giuliani camp...

Reproduction! [Around the Internet] 12/12/07

-Coming to a theater near you: M. Night Shyamalan's latest train-wreck, The Happening. How is it that the Writers Guild can't get 4 extra cents per DVD and yet studios keep giving this genius a blank check? It's a head-scratcher. [Deus Ex Malcontent]
-Merry Christmas from fat Mike Huckabee! [Wonkette]
-Marking what is clearly a banner year for the English language, "w00t" is Merriam-Webster's word of 2007. [Pop Candy]
-Turns out that a bunch of Republicans arguing about a flat tax is mad boring. Go figure. [Wonkette]
-Jessica Alba is preggers. I don't even like Jessica Alba and yet, somehow, I find that thought incredibly depressing. [People]
-President Bush hates children. Especially poor children. [Huffington Post]
-Obama-mania sweeps New Hampshire. [Wizbang Politics]
-Why aren't Republicans supporting the most electable candidate? Because he doesn't hate Mexicans enough, obvi. So much for compassionate conservatism... [American Debate]
-And finally, glow in the dark cats! What will those Koreans think of next? [Breitbart]

Halliburton = The Devil [Around the Internet] 12/10/07

-The National Intelligence Estimate, as explained by a cherry and a kitten. [QuizLaw]
-Turns out Rudy Giuliani married his cousin in 1968. Talk about family values! [Mental Floss]
-The Fresh Prince hops on the Obama train. [NY Post]
-David Sedaris in The New Yorker. Read it. [The New Yorker]
-Impeach Cheney! I don't know who this Wexler guy is, but I like the way he thinks. [Wizbang Politics]
-Halliburton continues its bid for "Evilest Company Ever." [Think Progress]
-Mike Huckabee spoils the end of the world for everybody. Let's hope he hasn't read the last Harry Potter book. [Mother Jones]
-The lady who stopped the church shootings in Colorado is a stone-cold gangster. In other news, stop giving everybody guns! [Denver Post]

Oprah-bama! [Weekend Links] 12/9/07

-Mike Huckabee hates the gays. Well, nobody's perfect, I guess. [Wizbang Politics]
-Just like a liberal, NBC backs down on ad controversy. [Huffington Post]
-Turns out Democrats were cool with waterboarding in 2002. Guess they thought it was some sort of S&M thing. [Washington Post]
-Cryptkeeper Helen Thomas drives White House press secretary Dana Perino to the verge of a nervous breakdown. In related news, Dana Perino wishes Helen Thomas would just die already. [Crooks and Liars]
-Germany tries to make up for WWII by banning Scientology. Throw in a case of Heineken and we're even. [BBC]
-Clinton campaign counters Oprah-bama with the hotness. Mmm...Chelsea. [NYT]
-Charles in Charge got married. I give it a week. [People]

I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared! [Weekend Links] 12/2/07

-Free South Park online next year! In other news, Scientology still nonsense. [Agent Bedhead]
-Thai politicians bribe voters with Viagra. Insert erection joke here. [Wizbang Politics]
-Obama and Huckabee lead in Iowa. Clinton and Romney pissed. [Politico]
-Despite best efforts, Evel Knievel dies of natural causes [Los Angeles Times]
-Jesse Spano to host new Bravo dance-off show. Let's hope it's not like Showgirls without all the naked parts...because Showgirls is fucking terrible without all the naked parts. [Defamer]
-It must be Christmas-time if my Jewish roommates are making peppermint bark. Mmm...Jesus-y. [Two Fat Als]

White-on-White Violence: The YouTube Republican Presidential Debate

For anyone fortunate enough to have missed it, the CNN/YouTube Republican Presidential Debate was held tonight in St. Petersburg, Florida. Something like 5,000 video questions were submitted by YouTubers from across the country (at least one of whom, naturally, bore a striking resemblance to Hank Williams, Jr.) and 35 were chosen by CNN's producers to be shown on a big screen above the stage. Candidates were also given the opportunity to submit their own "YouTube-like" videos (most of which were just campaign ads, and not particularly good ones at that), which were interspersed with the questions.

You might imagine that any forum involving YouTube and Republicans would be a mess but, while it sometimes verged on shitshowiness, the debate was usually just about as dull as eight old white guys arguing about politics should be. The issues ranged from reducing crime in the inner city to the ethics of waterboarding, but the debate focused primarily on the war, immigration, abortion, government spending and gun control.

I will spare you the pain of a full-blown recap, but here are some observations (in no particular order):

-Anderson Cooper was the Worst. Moderator. Ever. Whenever a candidate went over his time limit -- which politicians are wont to do -- Cooper, rather than forcing (or even asking) them to finish, would simply repeat the word "time" over and over again until they were done, as if saying it enough would magically make them stop ignoring him. Also, I find him kind of funny looking.

-Republicans really don't like Hillary Clinton. I'm not exactly sure how she came to symbolize everything that is wrong with the world, but boy do they hate her. In fact, I think that every single candidate, at one point or another, referred to her in some derogatory manner, several of them more than once. It's a sad state of affairs when a United States senator draws more ire in a political debate than Osama Bin Laden, but I'm sure she loved every second of it. Also, it turns out that the Clinton campaign planted one of the more controversial questioners of the night, retired Brig. Gen. Keith Kerr, an openly gay veteran who asked why American soldiers aren't professional enough to serve with homosexuals. Score one for the Ice Queen.

-Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney seem to hate each other almost as much as they hate Hillary. At one point, during a heated discussion about illegal immigration, I was pretty sure that the ostensible front-runners were going to break out into fisticuffs, and that was only five minutes into the debate! I say we just get it over with and make the next debate a steel-cage match between these two (maybe Hillary could guest-referee...)

-What the hell kind of a name is "Mitt," anyway?

-And who the hell is Duncan Hunter? After two hours, all I know about the guy is that he loves border fences. In fact, his greatest accomplishment seems to have been building a 30-foot fence between San Diego and Tijuana (probably after the infamous Marissa Cooper incident of 2004). I'm not sure whether he's more qualified to be president or manager of the Home Depot.

-Republicans shouldn't try to be funny -- it usually ends badly. I'm looking at you, Giuliani...

-I'm finding it really hard not to like Mike Huckabee. I know he doesn't believe in evolution and all, but he's just so damn friendly, and his response to a (remarkably stupid) question about believing the Bible word-for-word was by far the most eloquent and progressive of the bunch. One of my roommates remarked that he doesn't seem presidential because he's "too nice." Plus, he lost more weight than the Subway guy.

-Ron Paul kind of looks an elf, but he has some good ideas about the war. Namely, that we should end it.

-Why are Republicans so squinty all the time? Is it because they hate the light?

-John McCain probably doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of winning this nomination, but I think he had the best soundbyte of the night: "We came to power in 1994 looking to change the government, and government changed us." Also, it's a really bad idea to argue with him about torture, something Romney found out the hard way.

-Speaking of Romney, I couldn't help thinking that he was the most presidential of the group, probably because he's really good at not answering questions. Also, he's kind of dreamy, if you're into the stuck-up, rich, Mormon look. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this race came down to him and Huckabee.

-Fred Thompson was pretty much a non-factor and, thank god, because he thinks that overturning Roe v. Wade should be our "#1 focus" (not, you know, ending the war or paying down the massive, crippling debt that it has caused.) Good call, Fred.

-Republicans love Bill Cosby. He is like their one black friend.

-Tom Tancredo is an idiot. For more, read this.

All in all, it was pretty much a waste of two hours. At least now I know what we're dealing with, though, and it isn't pretty. I know that the Democratic candidates aren't exactly the Founding Fathers or anything, but if we can't get one of them elected against this bunch of weirdos, I'm leaving. For reals.

Sources:
http://www.youtube.com/republicandebate
http://washingtontimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071129/NATION/111290095/1002